Sexual but Mistake-ridden,
Sensual but Confused,
Looking for a better person,
The right way....
They think they are sophisticated, always looking for a guru to solve their
problems which they keep on producing for themselves.
Going from man to man hoping to find just the right fit,
and never able to see what a kind man they are dumping for the next flavour of the week. Except that she does later, of course,
when it is too late.
Sometimes he had moved or bent, twisted in all kinds of ways to make things right for
her, and when it blows up and she is gone he usually doesn't know what has gone wrong.
After all, he is the kind
of guy that she says she is looking for, right? Kind, doesn't beat women up, loans her money when she runs out, is loving,
courteous, and not at all possessive, even overlooks the occasional fling that she must enjoy just have because this other
guy has got some special quality that he doesn't have.
But the nice guy gets dumped. It is a familiar story.
Oh, and just because her Dad or at least one of his friends or maybe two or three of them, played around with her
in a sexual manner, she is confused, highly sexualised, probably they gave her sweets, a little money in return for sexual
favours, she can't remember much before the age of seven, the story goes on, a little tragedy in the making.
her mother? Her mother did not know about it, would not admit what she suspected. It was all too terrible after
all (and it had likely happened to her to when she was little, and god knows those memories needed to remain submerged.)
But the new daughter knows that her mother did not protect her when she was at her most vulnerable. When she was reaching
that age when she wanted to flirt with the most important man in her life, her Dad, things had gone really badly.
If only her mother had sat father down, and said to him, that she needs protecting now, she is at her most vulnerable, and
this is when she needs a father who can appreciate her growing sexuality. A father who can be affectionate with her, but not
sexual, who can acknowledge to his little girl that she is growing up and is just starting to play with testing the one man
in her life, who has had all his sexual needs met when he was growing up and has no unfinished business left.
Does this conversation happen? Almost never? Most parents shirk it out of ignorance of their resolving of their
own sexual experiences.
Would it help the father to respond better, properly? Maybe. But at the very least he’d
know the mother was keeping an eye out.
In Bali,the Balinese mother does not have that to worry about. Her husband
like his father before him, has had all his sexual needs met before puberty. Playing with little girls his own age, each of
them pulling down each other loose fitting drawers at the river, giggling and looking and pointing at each other's funny bits.
The parents quite confident that everyone around them has had a fulfilling sexual life and has no unfinished business to enact
out with their daughter or any of their many neighbours’ daughters who play with their little girl.
here. He can be seen massaging his daughter or son, giving them the most exquisite non-sexual love, even when he is massaging
their genitals when they do in a totally non-sexual manner. Just a very matter of fact, this is a part of her/his body which
one-day will give enormous
pleasure to another man/women which is right and appropriate, when she will reach maturity.
I watched a documentary made by Jean Liedloff who wrote that very important seminal book, The Continuum Concept. This
more than any other piece of learning was the true inspiration for what is still my most popular invention, the Baby
sling. In The Continuum Concept there was this Balinese father giving a massage to his little daughter. He was totally relaxed,
absorbed in what he was doing. Even when his hands were massaging her genitals in passing as it were, there was no special
attention given to them neither was their any kind of avoiding them as it would have been in the West. His little daughter
totally at ease quite confident that what her father was doing was quite okay. No wonder Balinese men and women are so sensual
and easily flowing.
We in the West have lost our birthright to be that easy with our bodies.
no child sex abuse in Bali. It was not until a case of a Western child molester caught in Asia, Gary Glitter,was beamed into
the households of Bali that they first heard of paedophilia in the Western way of life. Now, they watch Westerners with new
eyes, which well they may in many cases.
May we in the West break the Circle of abuse. With many of us it
starts with traumatized, drug influenced births. We feel the fear of our mothers, then the drugs, and then we are raised by
parents who have themselves not dealt with their issues,and who then pass them on.
Again, let us break this circle.
Start with yourself, your loved ones, and particularly the children. We are only one healed generation away from a very